Move Over Bacon, Here Comes Sizzlelean!

Okay, so maybe I'm not Sizzlelean yet, but I have lost weight! I now weigh in at 140, which is not my target weight, but I am just glad that through hard work, I've shaved off nearly ten pounds.

Over the past year, I've had to overcome several personal obstacles, all created by my brain, of course, but sometimes those are the hardest obstacles to get past. My depression is starting to get under control, thanks to waking up butt-early and running on my neglected treadmill, and lifting weights. I can't tell you how much I missed lifting weights. When I was bodybuilding, it was my Zen time. Now when I pick up those weights, I can feel it all coming back. For me, it's being in control of my body. Lord knows you can't control many things in life, but when you can actually control yourself, that is truly empowering and uplifting. I don't feel so hopeless. It also helps me think through my problems and release my aggression. I really needed to channel my stress. Aside from my stress contributing to my weight gain, I even started to lose my hair. I can't tell you how horrifying that is for a lady to go through. I was devastated. The doctor told me it was stress and prescribed me this expensive Chinese shampoo, that even he said it could be a placebo. (thank you modern medicine...) But lifting weights, really helps me overcome that stress. Another Zen routine I have found is taking a weekly Walkabout through my town. I just walk for hours and look at nature, notice things that I've looked past for years, run into friends randomly...it's always an adventure, and so good for the soul.

One of the most helpful things: I keep a food diary on my iPhone, and that channels my OCD of making lists...never hurts to use your quirks to your advantage! Seeing what I put in my body is eyeopening. Some days, I was like 'Really? That itty bitty serving of candy is greater in calories than my breakfast?' That'll make you put the Snickers down real fast.

Ultimately, I think what makes me happiest is that my daughter sees me working out and it inspires her to be healthy. She's almost five, so planting that seed early can't hurt. My parents were always into fitness, and still are, and I grew up thinking it was normal, what I was supposed to do. Thanks to derailment of my own personal demons, I chucked aside that vital part of myself in favor of wallowing in my depression and succumbing to helplessness. Food is good, and the junkier the more it makes us feel temporarily satisfied. It's that temporary satisfaction that leads to our addictions. Now, I just try to indulge only once in a while, because really, I have a serious sweet tooth. But instead of the full Snickers bar, I find smaller things to satisfy that sweet tooth.

Still on the path, but I think this time, I won't get derailed so easily. I DO NOT want to slide back into the dark depression that sabotages my mind and body. Sorry, Snickers, you are so not worth it!