Jen T: If you were trapped in a burning building and had your choice of saving only one thing, would it be: the jar of pickles, the stack of comic books (none of which you have opened since you were five), the change between the couch cushions, keys to something you're not too sure of, or a package of guitar strings?
A FIRE?!!! I Thought I replaced the batteries in the detectors! My dreams of being a Fire Marshall are crushed! And I took that class and everything… Okay, so I’m assuming that my husband, my cat and my child are safe…so I’ll have to go with the jar of pickles. Remember the homeless guy sketches on In Living Color? I could make a crap-load of money doing that impersonation!!! $$$$$$
Jason W:
Define nerd-ism and what makes you think that you belong in such an elite group.
Nerd-ism: embracing one’s nerdiness; the practice of analyzing details of the mundane, or topics that the general population do not care about. There is an air of elitism to being part of the nerd bunch, but I find that most nerds usually don’t realize that they are part of the group anyway.
Why don't more nerd-dudes groom themselves?
No time…must program….
When did you first realize that you were a nerd?
When people in school shouted “Nerd!” as I walked by.
Have you had nerd tendencies all your life?
Yes. Wait…I did have killer tendencies for a while there too, but who’s counting?
How many nerds does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
One to lick the Tootsie Roll Pop; one to monitor and take down data; two nerds to build a time machine and figure out how to enlarge a wormhole and keep it open, then out of those two nerds, one mans ground control while the other uses the time machine to travel through the wormhole to the exact moment in the future when the first nerd gets to the center of the Tootsie Roll Pop. So, 4 total. Hey, you never said, “how many licks does it take?”
Josh S: With all the horrors of the modern world, why do you choose to focus your attention on nerdy things, rather than important ones?
Let me tell you, when an asteroid is crashing towards Earth and the only person who can help you is the cooped up Nerd who owns all the action figures from Buffy, but also has been spending his loveless nights creating a machine that could deflect the asteroid off course, you’ll see that the nerdy topics ARE the important ones. P.S. Obama is a nerd. WE WON!!!!
Ally J: Who would you screw/marry/kill out of these choices and why? Elmo, Ernie and Cookie Monster.
Elmo – Kill. I don’t think I really need to explain why.
Ernie- screw? Can you really screw a puppet? They’re kind of soft. Anyway, I chose screw for this because he’s the only human on the list and I ain’t into bestiality.
Cookie Monster- Marry. He seems to be compatible with me. We both like food and we both regularly use bad grammar. Me love Cookies and me no like Elmo!
Amanda W: It's Zombie Time! You crash-land on a seemingly normal planet (yes we're talking commuting planet space travel here) You and your crew must travel to the nearest town to get new parts for your ship. When you get to town you find there was government experimenting going on and shocking but true the testing has gone awry and the whole population has been turned into zombies. Good news is you can raid the local mechanics for free parts to fix your ship. Bad news, you have to get through the town of zombies to get to the chop shop and then again to get back to your ship, fix it and get off this hellhole! Pick your crackpot crew! They can be from literature or movies. You need 4 crew members plus yourself and an explanation why you chose them.
Hmmm….
1. McGyver…he can fix anything. It also helps to have a fellow nerd as an ally, in case of a mutiny situation. (I’ve watched Survivor, I know these things)
2. Elvis- have you seen his kung fu moves? I have no doubt that Elvis could kick the ass of any zombie alien…while singing!
3. Elvira- Every team needs a wise-cracking chick on board. Plus, she’s seen enough zombie moves that she probably could defeat them with her bazookas. Also, being half naked distracts any male: human or zombie alien.
4. Alf- Okay, so his track record for fixing a spaceship sucks. It took him how many seasons to fix it? But we’re missing two key factors here: he’s an alien who does not eat humans, and he did eventually fix his ship. I think those are reasons enough to have him on the team.
Jen S:
If you had to choose between eating a stanky homeless sock and pushing a very old women (whom you do not currently know) into traffic, which would you choose?
Well, homeless socks have a lot of germs and calories. That would really leave me only one choice wouldn’t it? A girl’s got to watch her figure.
Which lunch meat do you like best?
Honey smoked Ham. Go meat!
What is your bra size?
Somewhere between absolute low self-esteem and praying for a boob lift.
If you could change the ending of any story ever told, which would it be and what would you change it to?
I would have to change the ending of the bible. What a downer! I just don’t see how an apocalypse is the way to end a story. It doesn’t really inspire me to do good. It just makes me think, “Wow, I’m screwed either way.”
The only proper way to end the bible is for Jesus to come back, go on a stadium world tour with Cher, spreading his words of goodwill, and then everyone evaporates, their spirits go to heaven (see clause below). See, in my version heaven is full of cool stuff like the Wii and chocolate. And for some of us, Doritos.
Clause: Basically everyone goes to heaven UNLESS they have murdered or raped someone, or did not go to see Jesus because he was touring with Cher. You might not like her, but you should really trust Jesus’ pick. He is the son of God, you know.
If a boy told you his name was Pinocchio, and while telling you that his nose began to grow, would this be a paradox? Explain your reasoning.
Naturally, it would be considered a paradox, UNLESS… His name was not Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy had actually answered more than one lonely toy maker’s wish. Then his name could very well be Larry and his nose is growing because he is lying. But…if his name is Pinocchio then we have a case of the loophole theory. Okay, so if Pinocchio has multiple personalities and the one personality is asked what his name is. He does not say his name, but says Pinocchio. Therefore he is technically lying, because he does not associate himself with that name. Are you really lying if you lie about something you think is a lie, but is really not a lie?
Or…he’s just happy to see me!
