If You Build It, They Will Come!

I LOVE cats! I cherish my cat and she even has her own Facebook page. Get this, she has 24 friends currently. So, 24 people love my cat too! I can't explain to you why I'm a cat junkie. If I see a cat walking around, I am instantly BFF's with them. Maybe I was a cat in a past life...

My house was full of cats when I was a kid. At one point I think we had 8 cats living in our small house. It was not snug-fest, but more like American Gladiators. Good times! My mom always seemed hesitant to let another stray cat in, but she would cave in. I used to think it was our sad little faces or our promises to care for the homeless creature, but now I have had some recent realizations. My dad liked cats too, but he was never outspoken. He would pet them, but not swoon over them or spend his entire afternoon throwing toys for them. Can you guess who was doing that?

After the last cat in the brood of 8 died, my dad swore off having any more cats in the house. I believed him for a while...until he retired. There was a legion of strays in the backyard that had regular feeding times and names. Now, my dad is not known for his ability to name animals. Our dog was named Chico. The strays were named "grey kitty", "grey kitty's sister", "bob-tail kitty", "Big boy kitty", "Whiny" and "One-eyed Jack". I laughed it off until I saw cat toys in the backyard. I asked my mom about it and she told me that dad bought them and plays with the cats. That moment I said, "you know he's going to build a house for those cats". Then I'd joke about the house being like the infamous dog house for Chico: a two-story doghouse made out of plywood scraps. Two stories? No ladder or steps? anyway...

The cats already had a shelter: they slept under the patio table and they even had pillows. That was more than luxurious for a stray cat, right?

Just today my mom told me that dad is building a house...for the cats...with siding. I laughed and joked that they'd get a hot tub next, but I commend my dad for his commitment to keeping animals happy and safe. I saw it coming, so I can't say I'm surprised. I'm sure there are plenty of other cat-fanatics out there who have done the same thing, but have they done it right? Don't get me wrong; any stray appreciates a roof over their head, but if you could peer into their tiny little minds and see what they really want...

Motion-sensor doors: cats do not like to do any work and they don't like things to touch them.

Low Ceilings: makes them feel big

Windows with large fluffy sills and mechanical squirrels and birds on rotation outside: It's like TV for cats, plus if it's a stray they might have PTSD-so might as well placate them.

Grass carpeting: Who said that only the Ancients needed a Vomitorium? Barf-city!

Room o'Balls: Not a ball jump room- please, cats would be offended if a ball touched their fur. Just a room where they can bat around balls and then walk away like they just don't care. Make sure to have a pair that dangle down. They are sadistic.

Heating: Has to be Central Air otherwise you'll have Kitty Flambe.

Watering Hole: Have you ever noticed that cats don;t want to drink out of their designated water bowl? They always seem to gravitate towards that cup of water you've left in your nightstand, or the toilet (or in my house's case- the urinal). So why force them to drink from a bowl. Make a room that has a little pond (with a filter please) and a toilet for the connoisseur.

Scratching Post Central: wall-to-wall scratching posts, made out of carpeting. It gives them that sense of destruction, which makes a happy cat.

Human Room: A room that has one or two fake humans inside, preferably made out of straw and canvas for biting and sharpening claws on. The humans should be warm and do not move, ever. They should also have a voice box that quietly says, "Good Kitty" or "Who's a pretty kitty?", but most importantly, "Yes, your Majesty". It can only help their inflated egos.

Poop Palace: Four walls, floor made of kitty litter, and an automatic littler cleaner. Plant some grass in it for that extra touch of class.

Chow Hall: Being strays, they might want to bring in what they've killed for the day. Some are lazy and should have a paw controlled dry food release. Plush cushions and white tile flooring, plus posters with woodland critters and their kill spots.

Sun Roof: Not what you're thinking. I mean a literal sun roof, a section of roofing for ultimate sunning. should be flat and comfortable with a chilled beverage waiting for them (I hear they like Mouse-tinis.)

Pillows galore: For napping, sleeping, hiding. Not too fluffy and not too flat. Cat might come and find you and decide your face is better.

Clean Laundry: It never fails. You pull that load out of the dryer and walks away for a second before folding and sorting. You come back to a super-comfy cat peering up at you from the mound of warm clean clothes. This is bliss for a cat and you might as well put it in their house to give them that sensation of defiance.

Throne room: No explanations needed.

Catnip Fields: a room completely dedicated to a cat's need to get high, er I mean frisky. Their lives are stressful and even kitties need to cut loose!

Disco Ball: Cats are tacky, and they also like to chase lights. This could be fun for them as well as YouTube worthy for you.



These are just the basics. Your job is to build off of these. Just remember: do not make an ugly house. Cats are extremely sensitive to ugly things as well as their status amongst their peers. Unless you want a Night of the Vengeful Cats scenario, you should give them a pretty house with mosaics in stone of their pretty puss.



Coming soon: picture of cat house built by my dad. I will make sure that One-eyed Jack is inside of it.

Picture above is only a small sample from http://www.classypetshop.com/. Wow...