Help Bring Frankenstein to Life!!!

Howdy! I am directing an awesome new project for Landless' 10th Season. It's a Prog-Metal Rock Opera by Richard Campbell called Frankenstein and I'm super excited about it. I love Metal, and Prog-Metal is definitely my favorite, so when we decided to produce this show, I nearly went crazy. When I was a tween, I used to sit in my room and pen really bad Rock Operas featuring all my favorite metal stars: King Diamond, Rob Halford, Ronnie James Dio and Bruce Dickinson. I dreamed of a day when I could put Metal up on stage in a theatrical setting. It never looked like it was going to happen because the world of traditional theatre was not very welcoming to loud Metal as a way of telling a story. Well, my dream is about to come true, minus my Metal idols, and it all feels surreal. I want to share what I love with others and maybe inspire people, who don't think they're into theatre, to come and have a great time. We've started an Indiegogo campaign to raise some funds for Frankenstein, so we can make it as rocktastic as possible. Check out our videos, check out the music, which you can buy on iTunes or listen to on Spotify, and donate if you can. Even a $1 will mean something to us. And if you can't donate, then please share our link with your friends. We love non-traditional theatre and we hope you do too!
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/richard-campbell-s-frankenstein

2012 Apocalypse Exam

In light of the impending doom we will face on December 21st 2012, I thought that maybe we should all prepare the best way we can: a multiple choice exam. (Note: Contacting John Cusack in any way will result in a failing grade.)

1. One December 20th, you will be:
a. partying.
b. crying.
c. crapping yourself.
d. in disbelief, and obviously going to die.

2. The morning of December 21st. As the earth quakes and rips open, you have only time to grab one item that is beside you. Out of the options, which one would you pick? Please show your work in the margins.
a. a can of Tuna, which may be expired.
b. a ball of rubber bands.
c. an embarrassing knit hat that your crazy Great-Aunt knitted for you.
d. a half-empty bottle of sugar cookie scented hand lotion.

3. In the likelihood of zombies emerging from the graves during this apocalypse, you would:
a. flee to the mountains and live in a cave.
b. stay and offer your home as sanctuary to your family.
c. stay and invite all of your living friends over--the more the merrier!
d. say, "screw everyone, you all are zombie bait and will only slow me down", and board yourself into your house.

4. It's December 22nd, the day after. There is a looting spree. Armed only with a butter knife, you decide to loot:
a. A clothing consignment store loaded with angry grannies trying to grab Liz Claiborne sweaters.
b. 7-11, where a scary-looking group of thugs are gunning each other down over Slurpees, Doritos and Phillies Blunts.
c. The ultra snooty corner bakery that peddles foofy $6 cupcakes...but the baker is guarding the door with a rolling pin and a larger than life butcher's knife.
d. The stationary and pen store, where no one is at all...and probably haven't been in five years.

5. Now that everyone you loved or knew is dead, you get to recreate yourself in the post-apocalyptic world! Tres exciting! You become:
a. a scavenging ninja that remains under the radar.
b. a loner trigger-happy commando bent on eradicating all potential threats.
c. a cult-like leader who intimidates everyone by surrounding themself with thugs.
d. yourself because you haven't the time while you're recreating your family out of volley balls.

6. The Mayans were right and the apocalypse is coming.
a. True
b. False (note: picking false may result in several years of your friends saying, "I told you so.")

7. You're starving because you are a terrible scavenger. You look through your kitchen and must eat something. Your options are:
a. pickled beets
b. moldy brie
c. a dead cockroach as big as your thumb
d. screw this, I'll starve to death.

8. You're pretty sure the apocalypse is coming. A month prior, you decide to spend all your money since it will be of no use when end-of-the-world doom comes. You:
a. make it rain at The Snatch Ranch strip club.
b. buy all your friends and family the things they always wanted for Christmas, and give them their gifts early.
c. sell your house, and all your earthly possessions, buy an RV and tour the country.
d. buy as many weapons as you can, and stock up at the Army Surplus store, then stock up on canned beans and bottled water. And Gas-X, because who wants to sit in their own farts all through the apocalypse?

9. Once the electricity doesn't work anymore, you need to create something to generate energy so you can still play your Wii after the world ends. What combination of household objects will work? (choose carefully)
a. silvery gum wrapper, paper clip, and a copper wire.
b. a hand mirror, a ball point pen, and a 10-year- old 9-Volt battery that you removed from your smoke detector.
c. a horde of mice, a 10-speed bike, and a Magic Mike robot.
d. an old broken fan, a tape player (remember that?) and a screwdriver.

10. Once everything has settled, the survivors are ready to reboot society. Now it's finally your chance to make a change! You suggest:
a. that everyone go out and procreate (maybe you'll finally get laid!).
b. texting lingo is forbidden, most notably: OMG, IDK, and LOL.
c. no more school...no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks.
d. that you all vote for one person to make up the rules so you won't have to be responsible when it all fails.


Congratulations! You finished your exam! Your grades will be returned to you on December 19th, and a passing grade will determine your chance of survival. If you fail the exam, a makeup exam is scheduled for December 21st. Please talk to your TA, if this date is a problem, and a later date will be scheduled for you.

Parents Just Don't Understand

Lately, there's been a lot of hub bub about the role that princesses, and anything pink and frilly play in our daughters' lives. We've got the non-fiction book: Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein, the viral Youtube video of the little girl going on a rant over pink toys, endless articles and blogs about the war on pink and princesses. Let's get a few things out of the way: I am a feminist, pretty hard-core, and I am a life-long tomboy. I wear Chucks and jeans and t-shirts of zombies. I have a daughter who is spunky, loves pink, loves being girlie, loves princesses and fashion. Did I hear a gasp? I sure hope not because the truth here is that I am fine with that. She also likes ghosts, zombies and scary stories. She's very free with herself.

At first, when she was still a baby, I was appalled at all the pink in the stores, and the princess brigade that smashed in my home. I was in horror. And then I lightened up and realized that pink and princesses were not my enemies. Maybe I am alone on this, but I truly believe that you should let your children explore their likes and let them be free with liking things that you may find horrendous (like Justin Bieber). It was an important lesson I learned from my mother, who never tried to shape my likes. What she did shape were my values. I do not stand in the way of my daughter trying to figure herself out. She's not a toy and I don't need her to be my identical twin. I want her to live this life to the fullest, and enjoy every moment the way she wants to. I'm sure I just painted a picture of a swooning, marshmallow of a mom. But this is not the case. I am a tough mom. I don't put up with rudeness, meanness, violence, laziness or acting stupid. I encourage my daughter to perform to her fullest, to always believe in herself, and to be kind to others. The same as my mother taught me, and I think I turned out pretty good (maybe my opinion, let the bickering begin).

Women and girls should have as many choices as possible. Isn't that what we feminists have been fighting for? Don't we want our girls to grow up being however they want to be? Even if it means letting girls like pink and princesses. That's when I start to lock horns with the other feminists. The argument that is often placed before me is that the media and corporations are brainwashing our girls to be silly, frilly, girlie messes. What I think a lot of people are underestimating is the power of parenting and the power of free-thinking children. I can't tell you how many times my mom said "you can do and be anything you want to be", so imagine my surprise when the Army recruiter told me I couldn't be a Ranger because I'm a woman. I think what this whole argument comes down to is the fear that girls are being taught to be mindless girlie-girls. Well, if you teach your daughter to think for herself, then what's wrong with being girlie? You can blame the media all you want for shoving girlie stuff down our throats, but ask yourself "who is the media". Trust me, they're not some horned warlock on the top of a mountain, watching over the humans. They are people, and they act on what the population wants. If something is unsuccessful, they stop pushing it. And ultimately, you, as a parent are responsible for guiding your children and teaching them to think for themselves.

I have no problem with my daughter's love of girlie things. She's just exploring her personality, and if that means that the feminists of the world shun her, then so be it because THIS feminist thinks it's okay for people to just be themselves. A woman who is girlie is no less of a woman who is not. There are so many worse things to be than girlie: a drug-dealing crackhead, a mean-spirited person, a violent criminal, etc. I'll take girlie.

Letter to People Style Watch editor

Dear Ms. Susan Kaufman,



I have always been a fan of People Style Watch, as it provides a great escape at the end of the day and keeps me abreast on the latest fashion and makeup. I'm sorry to say, though, that the latest issue, September 2011, disappointed me in a way that I did not expect. The "What's In, What's Out" section included something rather disturbing that I do think deserves some serious thought for the future. In the "Out" section, Teacup dogs were declared as "out", and as Mandy Harris of Petsugar.com said, they "have had their moment." She continues to name specific breeds as to what is "in". I can understand considering foods, clothes, makeup, etc. as objects we weigh as "in" or "out", but to consider a living being as "out" is a sad and disheartening thought, humans included. This kind of mentality perpetuates animal cruelty, and even worse, the mass production of puppies in puppy mills, as entrepreneurs/breeders try to make as much money as possible, while neglecting care of living creatures, in order to satisfy the latest trend.



As a fan of your magazine, I understand that some things in the "In/Out" section are meant to be fun, but I feel the inclusion of animals sends such a horrible message. I am sure this was not your intention, but unfortunately, the subconscious message sent is that an animal is an object of trendiness, equivalent to a shoe or a handbag.

Move Over Bacon, Here Comes Sizzlelean!

Okay, so maybe I'm not Sizzlelean yet, but I have lost weight! I now weigh in at 140, which is not my target weight, but I am just glad that through hard work, I've shaved off nearly ten pounds.

Over the past year, I've had to overcome several personal obstacles, all created by my brain, of course, but sometimes those are the hardest obstacles to get past. My depression is starting to get under control, thanks to waking up butt-early and running on my neglected treadmill, and lifting weights. I can't tell you how much I missed lifting weights. When I was bodybuilding, it was my Zen time. Now when I pick up those weights, I can feel it all coming back. For me, it's being in control of my body. Lord knows you can't control many things in life, but when you can actually control yourself, that is truly empowering and uplifting. I don't feel so hopeless. It also helps me think through my problems and release my aggression. I really needed to channel my stress. Aside from my stress contributing to my weight gain, I even started to lose my hair. I can't tell you how horrifying that is for a lady to go through. I was devastated. The doctor told me it was stress and prescribed me this expensive Chinese shampoo, that even he said it could be a placebo. (thank you modern medicine...) But lifting weights, really helps me overcome that stress. Another Zen routine I have found is taking a weekly Walkabout through my town. I just walk for hours and look at nature, notice things that I've looked past for years, run into friends randomly...it's always an adventure, and so good for the soul.

One of the most helpful things: I keep a food diary on my iPhone, and that channels my OCD of making lists...never hurts to use your quirks to your advantage! Seeing what I put in my body is eyeopening. Some days, I was like 'Really? That itty bitty serving of candy is greater in calories than my breakfast?' That'll make you put the Snickers down real fast.

Ultimately, I think what makes me happiest is that my daughter sees me working out and it inspires her to be healthy. She's almost five, so planting that seed early can't hurt. My parents were always into fitness, and still are, and I grew up thinking it was normal, what I was supposed to do. Thanks to derailment of my own personal demons, I chucked aside that vital part of myself in favor of wallowing in my depression and succumbing to helplessness. Food is good, and the junkier the more it makes us feel temporarily satisfied. It's that temporary satisfaction that leads to our addictions. Now, I just try to indulge only once in a while, because really, I have a serious sweet tooth. But instead of the full Snickers bar, I find smaller things to satisfy that sweet tooth.

Still on the path, but I think this time, I won't get derailed so easily. I DO NOT want to slide back into the dark depression that sabotages my mind and body. Sorry, Snickers, you are so not worth it!

"What Do You Think? I'm a Chubby Girl With a Sweet Tooth"

That is what I said to my husband when he asked me if I wanted the rest of his ginormous slice of key lime pie from Outback Steakhouse. And it is true. We laughed about it, but it was the first time that I admitted it. That admission rang in my head for weeks. Sure, I put on pounds because I had a baby...FOUR YEARS AGO! Since then I have been tired, cranky, and depressed; all of which has been reflected in my eating patterns. I never engaged in mood eating until I had a baby. I don't know why, but that's how it went for me. Now, rewind five years ago. Five years ago, I was a runner, an amateur bodybuilder, and super-crazy health food consumer. So, how is it that five years later I am sitting here eating Ranch Doritos, take-out Chinese food and pizza with sausage? Lactose Intolerant Girl is eating cheese, ice cream, cheesecake and suffering each time because I feel emotionally whole when I eat those foods. This has bad news written all over it. I preach about eating healthy and making sure that kids eat healthy, but I am one of the offenders. Like any red-blooded American, I live in defensive denial and make excuses for not giving a damn about personal responsibility. I think I was fine with all of this until I broke my knee cap. That's when my weight and health came crashing down on me. I had a steel-rod brace on my left leg, a pair of crutches and the worst snow storms to hit the East Coast in nearly one hundred years. What did I do for six weeks? Sat on my ass, popped painkillers and ate (sometimes...it's hard to eat when you have to hobble on crutches through your small apartment just to get to the kitchen). I actually lost weight, along with a ton of muscle over those six weeks. Off came the brace and Physical Therapy started. I found that I enjoyed the torture sessions because they forced me to do exercises that I did when I was body building. It stirred those urges in me and I hungered to pick up my weights again. Unfortunately, depression is a bitch and that has been my worst opponent. My depression is pretty frickin' scary, to the point where I can't do anything but sit and stare at the wall. My weights sit in my living room, waiting to be lifted, but I stare right past them. Throw in a knee that has yet to be pain-free and you've got a seemingly bleak situation. Okay, so I was resigned to all of this. That's what everyone was telling me anyway: to resign myself to pain and the weight.

So, where does this all bring me? To my doctor's office. For my yearly. I know the rigmarole: scale, blood pressure check, pee in a cup. I had a healthy blood pressure reading, and my pee was fine. It was the scale that killed me. I had gained weight. I'm 5'3" and 147 lbs. Am I obese? Nope. Am I happy? Nope. Weight is a number, and is relative to the composition of your body. When I was body building I weighed 132 lbs. but I was rock-hard, all muscle. So, weight is relative, but I can vouch that my 147 lbs. is NOT muscle. After leaving the doctor's office, I told myself right then and there that I have to do something. I force my daughter to eat healthy, so how does it look when her mother doesn't do the same? How can I expect her to make good food choices later in life if I don't? The time has come, my friends! I am using this blog to document my quest to get back to healthy living and eating. I harbor no delusions of skinny, only hopes of feeling healthy and getting some muscle back. So, follow along and if you're going through the same thing, please chime in. The only way to succeed is with support!

"Father Christmas, give me your money!"

For the past six years I have not really shopped for Christmas. I bake. That's what I do, and people do enjoy it. I mean, who has any room for any more junk? Besides, I can't afford gifts, so that's just going to have to do. My Christmas stress ended six years ago when I hit rock bottom and didn't have a dime to my name. So while everyone else is ready to brawl in the middle of the mall, I breeze right on by and casually pick out a Christmas card. It's pretty liberating. My daughter is now old enough to get excited about Christmas, which is great...but it's also scary. My husband and I did buy her a few gifts, but we kept it simple and made sure they would be toys she would appreciate for longer than five minutes after unwrapping. Children are the easiest source of prey for corporations at this time of year. I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many commercials Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network show a day that are toys and electronics. It freaked me out the first time she really saw those commercials because suddenly it was "I want this!" or "I need this!" I keep telling her that the only things she needs are water, air and food. She obviously doesn't get my humor at Christmas, but she's just going to have to. I just hope that I can teach her that Christmas doesn't have to be $$. It's hard when this is being shoved down their throats at such a young age. Anyway, that got me thinking about just how much this country spends on Christmas. There is plenty of argument about Christmas' cost. Some say it's too much and others say it boosts the economy and provides jobs. Let's think in numbers. Christmas expenditures are generally $1000 dollars per family, though reported slightly less this year. Overall, America spends at a minimum of 400 billion dollars at Christmas. I say minimum because that's a number thrown around in 2006. It's 2009 and while things are shaky, they're still not slowing down that much. Think about all that can be done with $400 Billion or that cost $400 Billion...

Medicare's annual spending
Annual Imported Oil cost
Freddie and Fannie bailout
Provide clean water to the world
convert 6000 urban areas' traditional electricity to solar powered energy (http://blogs.zdnet.com/green/?p=6216)
Fix the US's sewer infrastructure (http://geospatial.blogs.com/geospatial/2009/11/sewer-infrastructure-requires-400-billion.html)
Provide healthcare for everyone in the US (http://sanders.senate.gov/newsroom/news/?id=546faa1e-ee8f-48a8-8f2b-64b7ba96dd2e)
Cover Social Security's annual budget
Walmart's full-year global sales (http://www.businesspundit.com/wal-mart-posts-more-than-400-billion-in-sales/)
Buy several small islands
Create a super-NASA program
House all 664,000 homeless Americans
Fund half of the Iraq war
Double annual spending on Cancer Research


This is only a small list of things you can do with specifically $400 Billion. Think about all the things we can do with less. I hope this is as eye-opening for you as it is for me. It makes you rethink the way we interact with the world financially and morally. There are so many things we could change if we just stopped spending on unnecessary possessions. All the organizations and charities that we donate a $1, $5 here and there for...we could actually do way more and make real changes. So much of the misery in the world could be eased, if we only could stop being manipulated by corporations. I know it's not that easy, but one can dream. You know all that debt that we're all in? We probably wouldn't be in all this debt if we didn't put such focus on material objects. So, rethink your New Year's Resolution this year. Instead of making the empty promise that you'll shed those last five pounds, challenge yourself and think of others. You may find it much more rewarding!